Give grace and be kind

 Today in the middle of the morning hustle I missed a call from Cache's school.....twice.  When I finally saw I had missed a call, I didn't know who it was from (I have now saved the number in my phone!).  So I already had a pounding heart calling a Japanese number turning my brain into hyper focus mode so I could understand the conversation.  When I realized it was Cache's school, immediately I remembered he was supposed to bring extra clothes for him to paint in today, and I had forgotten to send them with him.  Not a big deal as an isolated event, but unfortunately this is not the first (or 2nd, or 5th or 8th) time I have forgotten something Cache has needed at school.  What makes it even worse is that his teacher, sweet, lovely Ayaka Sensei, even wrote out, complete with pictures, what I needed to bring. IN ENGLISH!  See the following as proof of my incompetence: 

: 

See, it's definitely me....not them.  Oh, and to top it off, last Friday there was an initial handout about the need for extra clothes today, written in Japanese, AND the teachers explained it to me when I picked Cache up from school. ALLLLL the learning types were covered here, and I still couldn't get it right.  This was NOT a language barrier thing, this was a failure-to-use-ones-brain thing.

So I grab spare clothes from a friend because I'm not at home, and FLY as fast as I can in my tiny Honda Fit to his school, and his teacher?  Lovely Ayaka?  She is apologizing to ME for inconveniencing me.  And what I want to say??!!!  What I want to say is, "Ayaka-Sensei, please do not apologize for anything.  I want you to know that I am trying.  I do not mean to forget everything, I do not mean to do everything wrong.  I do not mean to unintentionally be late to basically everything.  I swear I am trying. Please let me apologize to YOU!"  As luck would have it, I haven't learned how to express that type of sentiment yet so what I DO say is something like, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.  My brain is broken.  I can't remember things.  I'm sorry I'm sorry!" while hastily bowing as I back up and away.   So there you have it.  Ayaka-Sensei thinks I am suffering from a traumatic brain injury and I'm ok to let her think that.

Isn't he CUTE headed to school? Too bad he didn't have his stupid paint clothes..

So as I drove away and continued with the things I needed to do, I found myself at the grocery store trying to find a certain kind of vinegar.  I asked the sales associate and she dropped everything she was doing, walked me over to the right place, pointed out all the different kinds, showed me the difference in prices, pulled out HER favorite one and told me why she liked it (that part I did NOT understand!).

This, combined with the paint clothes incident, got me thinking of so many other times in the past year and 3 months that people have showed me, my kids, my family incredible grace.  Never once has anyone said to us,  "We live in Japan!  Speak Japanese or go back to where you came from!".  In fact, often times people APOLOGIZE for not speaking better English!  

And ya know what?  I've been studying Japanese since before we got here.  I do my very best to say everything in Japanese everywhere I go.  And guess what?  My Japanese is awful.  Horrendous.  Honestly and truly.  Instead of people rolling their eyes at me or being frustrated that I can't communicate more clearly, I am always, always, always 100% of the time being lifted up, being shown patience, and being given a little pat on the back for trying.  And honestly, I could be better.  I slack regularly on my study, and ya wanna know something crazy?  English is the main language spoken in our home.  That fact alone has made it all the more difficult to learn.  I can go all day without having to really speak Japanese. So I have to really make an effort, and sometimes, the effort isn't there.

How often have we heard from people, or seen a video, or heard story about someone in the United States who doesn't speak great English or who perhaps simply isn't speaking English at a certain moment being verbally abused, bullied, and brought down because of it?  Why?  What's the point of that?  What good does that do?  Do we really think that is going to ENCOURAGE someone to try and learn?  Because it's not!  If anything, it's going to encourage people to retreat, stay where they are comfortable, because it's safe in here, but out there people are hateful.  

I cannot even tell you how many accommodations have been made for me, for us, because our Japanese is trash (well, not the kids.  They are brilliant little linguists that translate for me regularly).  Never with an ounce of contempt.

It's so easy to say, "Wow, the Japanese culture is so kind and caring.  They are so gracious and patient.  It's just a part of their culture!"  Which...is not wrong!  But what if we ALL just chose to be kind?  What if we all chose to grant people grace?  What if we stopped assuming we know someone's entire life story after 1 interaction with them?   What if we changed the rhetoric that "Americans are just loud and self centered"?  

I have had lots of eye opening, growing and learning experiences in my life, and this is no different.  I continue to learn about myself, about others, and about how beautiful and full of variety the world is.  And I love it.  Maybe instead of expecting everyone to be more like me, I can try to understand and be more like them.

**Pictures just because

Holland playing at the River

Keane insisting on giving Indie a piggy back ride so relieve me from carrying her

The parks here, guys...

Holland helping cook tempura shrimp and veggies

Keane, throwing rocks at the beach at sunset.

And Indie...

New running shoes: favorite day of the year!

She loves him most

Like, the very most.