It's not always rainbows and butterflies

Please do not misunderstand me: we love the life we have created here in Japan.  We, as a family, do not regret being here in the least bit (but don't ask the kids about that on a bad day, because they will for sure tell you otherwise).  Life in a completely foreign land, speaking a foreign language (and in the middle of a pandemic!?!?!) is not, however, without extremely trying times.

We write about the amazing experiences we have because they are just that, amazing.  Share-worthy. You know what else is share-worthy? The fact that in the midst of all the magic and wonder, are plenty of melt-downs, heart ache, homesickness, frustration and anxiety.

Keane:

Cute as they come, he is.  This kid is quick.  Incredibly bright, school has always come very easily for him.  Nothing was ever difficult.  He was ahead in math and reading and never struggled in school.  He was used to not really having to try.

Fast forward--He is thrown into Japanese school and for the first little while he is in the honeymoon phase.  Everyone is extra nice to the new kid.  Everyone is super helpful and accommodating.  Kids are always surrounding him, taking him from class to class.  Eventually the novelty wore off, as it always does, and he settled in to being another normal student at school.

Except--Keane couldn't speak or understand Japanese.  Until March, when the school year ended, he had a teacher who was helpful, understood that he was brand spankin' new to all this, and really helped him to be part of the class.  I am forever grateful to Kobayashi-Sensei and her kindness to Keane.  

In April, the new school year began and he started 3rd grade.  He got a new teacher and immediately realized he was in for a wild ride.  

**Side note: at school Keane is rule follower.  He strives to do what he is told, obey the rules and do what he is told.  Especially here, he already is well aware that he is "different" from everyone else.  He looks different, talks different, and he is not looking for even MORE reasons to be on the outside of the special club.  He stresses out about bringing the right bag on the right day, making sure he has his umbrella if it is raining because everyone else will (who cares about the rain?  I need to LOOK LIKE THE OTHER KIDS!).  He was worried his shorts wouldn't be allowed because I bought them from a U.S. online store.  He double checks all of my translations to make sure I have correctly understood any and every paper that comes home. 

SO: third grade begins, he tries his hardest to conform.  But for some reason he keeps getting in loads of trouble at school, and he is not sure why.  His teacher yells at him all the time for doing the wrong thing. He gets to the point where he is terrified to go to school because he never knows when or if he will be in trouble, and has no idea how to guess what for.  I finally realize that his teacher must assume that he is fluent in Japanese (when in fact he has only been learning for 7 months) and is just not listening to the directions she is giving him.  After a discussion alerting the school to my concerns, they IMMEDIATELY (as in...that same day) addressed it with the teacher, had Keane sit down with the school psychologist to discuss how he was feeling, and put a new plan into action.  Keane, in turn, is now supposed to say something (he was too scared to) if he doesn't understand directions, an assignment, or instructions.  And honestly...life's been a whole lot better since then.

That doesn't stop me from occasionally wondering WHY  in the world we are doing this.  And as soon as it seems like it would be a good time to tap out and cut our losses, something like this happens:

What is it?  It's a Kanji test.  Beginning in the 1st grade, students start learning kanji.  Each year the number of kanji they learn increases.  In 1st grade they learn 50.  2nd grade is ~150.  3rd grade is ~200. Keane began school in Japan in the middle of 2nd grade, so he was already more than 100 Kanji behind.  I think this is the reason that kanji is his least favorite thing to do in school.  He has had to work incredibly hard to catch up (and is still catching up) all while continuing to learn the kanji required by his grade.  

After every 50 kanji learned, there is a "50 kanji test".  They get until the NEXT 50 kanji test to pass the 1st one.  (NOTE: passing score is around 93%).  The first test he took, which was in March at the end of the school year, he had to take the test 12 times in order to get a passing score.  12. TIMES. And he did it.  And it was hard.  And he was frustrated.  But he did it.

The other day he came home super pumped, and gave me this.  His current 50 kanji test. 100%.  3rd attempt.  First attempt was a 60% (which was so much better than the 12% he got initially on the last test).  I was thrilled with 60!  2nd test...80%.  

He's doing it.  He is doing something hard, so incredibly hard.  Something he doesn't really enjoy. But something that is stretching him in SO many good ways.  And he has the support of his family and teachers.  He's doing it.

Holland:

                                                

Holly is probably surprising us more than any of the kids.  Never really interested in school, reading, academic work, anything other than playing princesses and watching shows, Holland is THRIVING.  In Japanese, in school, with friends.  She is, however, struggling big time with English!  She is perfectly capable of reading, and was a good reader before Japan.  Since coming here, however, she has no interest in reading in English.  I don't blame her: English reading is hard!  Lots of rules, lots of exceptions.  Japanese reading is much easier.  It's phonetic...always.  We try to have her read a book from the library on base and it is a throw down, smack down brawl, every. single. day. 

Holland also struggles to understand COVID, and it's implications.  On the surface she gets it, but we occasionally have melt-downs where is clear that she feels about it, the same way we all do.  We wish it was not.  

Holland loves and misses our extended family deeply and it is very painful for her.  She loves hard and she also hurts hard, so being thousands of miles away is sometimes the very worst thing for her, and there is nothing I can do to ease that except make space for her hurt.

Cache:

Much like Holland, Cache is generally happy with life here.  His major struggles come from not understanding world geography yet.  Why can't we see grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends?  We used to see them all the time! Why can't we just drive to their houses??  

He is also only 3 (almost 4) years old, and is going to school full time.  This isn't common in the United States (though not entirely unheard of).  At this age we had the older two kids in 2 day a week, 1/2 day preschool is all.  Even kindergarten was only half day.  So for Cache to be going to school 5 days a week for 5-6 hours a day, it's heavy for him.  While his school is play based and they aren't doing anything academic yet, it is still utterly exhausting for him.  Listening in Japanese all day every day and trying to work out in his brain what is being said, and then translating that to his own action, no wonder he comes home and passes right out every day (or on the days he doesn't get to nap, is a melt-down maniac for the rest of the evening)!

I feel intesne guilt about having him in school so much at such a young age.  And if I'm honest, if we were in the States I would never do this (well....never say never!).  But we don't know how long we will be here, so for Cache, this is his chance to get a really solid base in both Japanese language and culture.  On the days I'm feeling extra worried about it, he usually comes home and babbles something in Japanese or sings me a song they learned that day, and I realize that we did, in fact, make the right decision for him and our family.  WHEW.

Indie:

We moved here when Indie was 6 months old; she is now almost 19 months old.  Japan is her whole world, and so her difficulties are the opposite of the other kids.  She doesn't know her extended family, and we worry she won't have the same relationship with her cousins as our older kids do. 

Additionally, Indie was born just before the pandemic broke out and everything closed down.  So really, for a long time she wasn't around anyone other than the 5 of us, and it shows (although we realize plenty of kids do these same things, with no pandemic involved).  She often refuses to play with other kids, or interact with other adults.  Despite this she IS quite social, just on her own terms.  And she is hilarious, and really goofy, even at only 19 months old!

Andrew and I have our own challenges that range from not being able to learn the language as we had hoped to, to not being around family, especially during crisis.  In between all of that we have a language barrier that makes things incredibly difficult.  I cannot tell you the amount of times I have screwed up something because of language misunderstanding.  The older kids have translators at their school and for that I am incredibly grateful.  Cache, however, has no such individual at his school.  So if I don't understand something, it impacts Cache, and let's just say that happens often.  SO often. I don't know about an activity, I don't realize we are supposed to send a supply to school, I have no clue that he needs to bring his water bottle (look...when in doubt, send the water bottle...always.)  Luckily the staff are incredibly patient and grant me a ton of grace.

Then there are the things that are just...different.  In the U.S. we owned one crappy umbrella that I took with me when I worked football games.  Now we have at least 6 full size, Mary Poppins-esque umbrellas.  WHY did we not have these before???

NO....OVEN!  That's right.  We don't have an oven.     Ok that's sort of true.  Our microwave is also a convection oven.  So....we can bake, but only tiny things.  And the temperature regulation on ours, because it is approximately 75 years old, is questionable at best.  So those brownies?  Sometimes they cook in 15 minutes.  Sometimes 25.  Good luck guessing.

ALL THE SUPPLIES!  I don't know if this is overwhelming just because it's so DIFFERENT for me, or if it truly is a lot, however, each thing, each activity, has its very own, incredibly specific list of necessary supplies, with little room for deviation.  For example, schools here have swimming pools and in the warmer months they teach a swimming curriculum for the P.E. class.   AWESOME.  I LOVE IT! BUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT you have to have a swim bag, a towel that has elastic at the top and buttons down because the kids change all together so this keeps them covered, a specific swim cap, swim suit and goggles and everything must be appropriately labeled with the students name, grade and class number.

The same for karate...

And regular gym at school

Needless to say, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I'm going to do something wrong and my poor kids will suffer for it, but really...we are doing our very best.  And I don't regret it for a second. We are learning so very much and our minds are being stretched in ways I never knew possible!